INTRODUCING! R. Brown

After spending 19 years as Jewish-catholic nun, R. Brown decided to call it quits, and pursued a career in the porn industry but not as a porn star, but as financial advisor to “Brown Sugar”. She also owns three small companies based in India were she exploits small children for her benefit and Nike’s too. After a financial disaster (investing in abandoned buildings) and secret love affair with a person that shall not be named (tiger woods) she decided to become a journalist for CNN, later to be fired for smuggling heroine in her ass. That’s when The Oreo Effect approached her with a position and not one on her back either! (which trust us we tried! After three 12 packs of steel reserve, 7 roofies, 12 hits of X, and a stun gun to the tit! We finally just gave the fuck up). We sent her on a mission to uncover the woman’s perspective of how the world is perceived, but who knows what this gang of jackals and jackass’ are up to next

Fairytales, and Make Believe:

Hi my name is reality, and this is my friend gravity and we welcome back to earth! I must say ladies that as a man I’m not happy about these stories you wrap yourself up in. your probably wondering what stories I so speak of? Stories like the Notebook, the Last Song, and all the movies like that, that give guys a persona we can’t fit into. Honestly to come straight from the hip, I’m fairly nice and genuine guy but I’m not going to lie to you either, I’m not going to fill your head with bullshit. These guys in these movies are so in love with you that even though you’re being a selfish bitch you don’t see how much he cares about you until the end and then role credits and then here comes the tears! You look for us in reality and realize we are not that and you become disappointed with us! Now did you ever stop to think maybe why we don’t pursue you like them is because you ain’t as dope as Rachel McAdams, or whoever the hell is the lead broad in these movies? See I’m a Romeo kind of guy I will kill for you and go to extreme measures for you, and to much of your surprise I’m sure, most guys are as well. There is just one other kind of guy in this category and he wont give you that much thought. Once the idea of having to work for your love pops in his mind he is gone like a $2 hooker! Now I’m not saying don’t have faith in us, just don’t expect us to be your fairytale dream. $20 says your mom doesn’t think your pops is a god but I guarantee you she loves the fuck out the guy for some quality he posses. We need to bring back the tough guy era again, these emo children are making it difficult for guys who rely on muscles and actual intelligence to thrive in the hunt for woman. Not all of us can write out our emotions or cry on command, but a lot of us will love you probably twice as good and not steal your eyeliner in the process. I grew up watching genius movies, like Rocky (it won best picture in 1976, the Notebook did what year? Wait it didn’t win shit!) He fought the heavyweight champion of the world, got the shit kicked out of him all to prove to Adrian that he was somebody! Romeo & Juliet is genius, and so is Shakespeare, and Nicolas sparks can blow me like a birthday cake. My advice to ladies is, remember we are guys, simple minded, and predictable so the next time you complain you fell for the same guy, open your eyes and realize your in the real world not in Forks, Washington I’m not Edward Cullen, and this is not a fairytale, I’m sorry if I upset you but it had to be done!

~C. Myers~

The Rebuttal!

Mind games - Mind fucks whatever!
Some people are predictable some aren't you can't just put them into categories like I love when girls think a guy is so sweet for holding her purse while she shops or tries stuff on -that is a good man? Ha right bitch he is either pussy whipped and your taking advantage of that annoying shit or a pervert tryna get a glimpse at the chick in the mini skirt in the fitting room next to yours! Everyone hints guys included! I say man up or shut up but your trying to tell me men don't have a hint system? Right... this may not cover all men but the ones who need to take the skirt off absolutely! That is all they work off of to test the waters when their girls got their jimmies in a vice. Like for example "Chip hit me up, said all the guys are getting together for the fight and having some beers later" THAT would be a hint hoping for the girl to respond with "Aw you should go" instead of being a man that "says what he wants or does what he wants" Women are incredibly difficult? Not cool bruh. Besides if we weren't you wouldn't want us. Easy would be boring as fuck and you'd be "on to tha next one" so quit your bitching and take the tampon out. Yes, you are supposed to remember something we pointed out! Especially if it was everyday for a whole year cuz when you don't the only thing were thinking is 1. dude doesn't give a shit or 2. are you brain dead? Anyway about the whole getting ready thing if your together and living under the same roof you should just be showering together period. Times are tough man got to conserve the aqua. Men are not all the same but I do believe there are 3 types of guys. Ones that try too hard, ones that don't try hard enough and Mr. Chill... no explanation needed. Gross every time I think about a guy wearing Ed Hardy now I think of that nasty weirdo Jon Gosselin... Totally ruins it for me. Someone should kidnap him. BMatt didn't you ever hear of taking one for the team! haha Isn't that some where in the wingman ethic guide? Poor Wunluv. I woulda banged her out for ya!

~R. Brown~

"What Can Brown Do For You?: A Package Sent From Heaven?


RAE-RAE BROWN, with her beautiful (eye color here) eyes. Perfectly fitting on her face. What can be said about a goddess who roams about the earth with the mere mortals. She's well loved my all. She has all HER teeth. Everything you want in a women, she's got.


And then there's, R'ONAH BROWN. The side you don't see. Surprised? I was. Are you kidding me? This chick's attitude got more flavor than a Now' OR' Later. You see what I mean? Allow me to elaborate. Miss Brown got what we people within my industry call, "Hey you! Who dat' dere?" Translation: That girl is one foxy fox.

I remember this one time when my boy, B. Matthews, tried asking her for directions and she slapped him. Then ran in the opposite direction. If it takes one to know one, then my dude B. Matthews just found his soul mate. And if you know B. Matthews? That is one retarded man.


Anyways, before I completely throw you off the roof, Miss Brown is, well Miss Brown. If you haven't experience her yet, then you haven't experienced the EXPERIENCE. But mind you there is a queue line. And you must be THIS TALL to ride. She's the crystal who ain't friends with diamonds from Bristol, France.


Now let's get back to Rae-Rae. And man can she cook! I've never been that high off of crack since high-top fades were military issued in RUSSIA (NODRAGO for you ROCKY fans)."But I thought she was a goddess?" Don't get me wrong either. I'm just stating an example of how amazing she is. (Yay for brownie points!)


So in conclusion, Rae. The World. The World. R'onah.....

~D. Jackson~

Woman: The Greatest Mystery!

Mind Games- The Mental Mine Field:
I have been around for some years not many, but a fair chunk of years. I've seen a lot of bullshit, but lately i have found a new beast to expose his ugly head or should I say "she"? I recently read "why do guys play mind games?" Now to my utter amazement i was completely shocked by this comment! we play mind games!? us!? Are fucking kidding me?? How is this possible? We are guys, we don't have the hint system built in! We say what we want, the only thing we do that's on that level of incognito! is gestures, like holding up an empty beer, and pointing at it, which if you don't know by now means get me another beer! We don't hint we want to have sex, we just get to kissing and not that in front of your parents shit, i mean that "you better not be wearing underwear cause you about to have a vagina full of fabric" kinda kissing! we don't play mind games at all, maybe a handful compared to the huge population of men, but guys are simple. woman are incredibly difficult, they never know what they want! like why do we have to wait for you to get ready? like why cant you wake me up when your making the shoe decisions? by time you pick your shoes we could have showered, shaved, got dressed, watch the sports highlights and walked the dog! you hint towards what you want for Christmas, or your birthday, and we 9 times out of 10 we get the wrong color or size or not even the right thing! then you get mad because we fucked it up! WHY! how are we suppose to remember every little dress and shoe or piece of jewelry who have pointed at every day for a damn year! i give up! every time a chicks hints to me something I'm gonna upper cut them! let it be known i will be punching woman from now on!!!!

Why Men Are All The Same:
Now for the ladies who sit there time and time again saying all guys are the same, your right! (I'm sorry guys, the secrets coming out) We are all the same, but so are you, and unlike you we have 3 levels of guys. Level 1: The general guy, the guy who you fall for every time, the guy with the good job, and nice car who wears way to much cologne and ed hardy. This is guy is the same guy who hits on your mom, and dicks you "for the boys" and then eventually sleeps with your best friend (who will say you weren't loving him right). Level 2: the sensitive guy or "friend zone guy", now this guy is infamous among men. We all see his shotty attempts at the tricky skill of the love from within angle, but we sometimes encourage it. it makes it easier to get females we generally wouldn't be able to bang without having some kind of connect. like hey Jim your friends with chicks call 'em up! This guy gets a bad rap sometimes, because by time you let him in he's so worked up and just wants make love to you already, he's disgusted by you. He sat patient throwing little signs at you all day long and you just ignored him and wined and cried over level 1 guy. So when you finally give it up he just wants out! Level 3: The gay guy, he's gay he doesn't want you, you don't have the equipment he so desires. yet for some damn reason you like him, and you think you can convert him, your not Jesus Christ, this ain't Christianity! he likes dick, leave him alone!

Hating Vicariously Through Others:
Now this is a funny topic, this is about how someone can hate on someone who had nothing to do with the situation that they had no real part of! my man Wunluv was tryna holla at a Betty and she was hatin' on him because of BMatthews dissed her friend. Now the Betty's friend was gettin clingy like hobo to the Matthews express! Now my dude Wunluv was just tryna see were the Betty was at wit herself, but she showed no love! but the strangest turn of event, came when clingy texted Wunluv and was like "do you wanna get in my knickers?, cuz I'm not D!" Now much to Wunluv's surprise he was oddly thrown off by this, because in no way had he shown the fainest of interest. Fast forward, some months later, Wunluv rang clingy on the tele, and began a hopefully fresh and forgiven start, but Wunluv was met with a difficult obstacle! clingy turned out to be a beast of sorts keeping from his wanted prize of the fair Betty. He began with the subtle approach and inquired about the apple of his eye. He said he still is interested in Betty and would like to know if maybe she (clingy) could aide him in his journey, now clingy replied that she is still brooding over the BMatt express! Which brings me a little off topic how the hell does your lust for me bear any chances Wunluv should have with Betty? And what makes it worse is he was being civil from the start and he was being a friend, which if you ask any soul they would agree, and you assumed he wanted your vag even after he made it clear he was pursuing Betty! back to the story. Now because of your clinginess, He cant have some? what if he would of made your friend really happy are you that envious that you wont allow other people to be happy?? any how, fast forward again, now that I'm sure clingy has spoken with Betty, and got some kind of obscured version of everything. now she is hating on the dynamic duo! which makes no sense because if her friend didn't show signs of the step ford wives, and she would have shown some love at 1st chance maybe she wouldn't have to hate, let alone still be a bitch! and by the way you conceited as fuck! you ain't that pretty like maybe next to a Buick and a brick wall! but your a fuck and chuck, you ain't a trophy, if i was dating you I'd be cheating on you. YOUR UGLY FOR REAL BUSTED STATUS....LMAO!!

~C. Myers~

Common Sense: The Myth of a Legend

What the fuck happened here? When did using your brain to solve extremely simple shit go out the door? Now for those whom do not understand the concept to common sense or even truly know what it means, it means simple, basic, general knowledge. For example the word everything, when used in a sentence such as "everything must go!" It means in general terms whatever the business typically sells means that it all must go!! But yet people still have to ask is this for sale? I cant believe people have to question some of the most simple things! For example i experience a man who walked into a store and saw a serious of POS's (cash registers) and on these computers and all its components were accompanied by a large very visible bright orange sticker that said SOLD. Now these systems were not in fact sold nor for sale, but the sticker was placed for simple fact that the systems were not for sale at all! But this man came in walk along each POS and verbally remarked on that each one said SOLD, then proceeded to ask if they were for sale. Are you f**king kidding me!! Wow! Why would you put a sold sign or even a not for sale sign up and have that item for sale?? Doesnt that defeat the concept of your goal to sell the item? I just have grown to believe that people are not using their eyes to assess their current location. These are the same people who go into a store and then ask what store they are in! Who have coupons from albertson's but they're shopping in ralph's, and the same group of jerkoff's who run red lights but get pissed off at people run the light they're waiting at! Educate yourself's have some kind knowledge of your surroundings and the other people involved. You are the same jackass who pisses you off!

~C. Myers~